What NOT to Do for a Happier Life: 4 Habits to Break
When we think about happiness, we often focus on what we can add to our lives (gratitude, connection, movement, mindfulness). But what if part of the secret to greater happiness isn’t doing more, but doing less of the things that hold us back?
This week, we’re flipping the script and talking about what not to do if you want to boost your happiness. Inspired by a recent article featuring insights from therapists, we’re taking a look at a few common habits and thought patterns that quietly chip away at joy, and how to start letting them go.
1. Stop Letting Guilt, Shame, and Worry Take the Lead
These three emotions are like heavy weights we carry around. They anchor us to the past or drag us into the future and make it hard to enjoy the moment we’re in.
Therapist Tamika Lewis points out that shame, guilt, and worry are major disruptors of happiness. Why? Because they disconnect us from the present, and the present is where happiness lives. When we dwell on mistakes or fear what might happen, we miss what is happening right now.
To start loosening their grip, try practicing self-compassion. A simple Hawaiian mantra called ho’oponopono can help:
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
It may feel awkward at first, but saying this to yourself (especially while looking in the mirror) can be a surprisingly powerful way to soften self-judgment and reconnect with yourself.
2. Stop Waiting for the “Right Time” to Act
One sneaky happiness thief? Inaction.
Whether it’s staying in a job that no longer excites you or putting off a trip you’ve dreamed of for years, delaying action can lead to a slow fade of joy. According to psychotherapist Sadaf Siddiqi, many people get stuck in cycles of overthinking and fear, and that “stuck” feeling turns into unhappiness.
Here’s the truth: you don’t need to take giant leaps to change your life. Tiny shifts can move you forward. Call the friend. Sign up for the class. Start the side project. Action, no matter how small, brings momentum and possibility.
3. Stop Comparing Your Life to Everyone Else’s
We’ve all done it — the scroll through social media where someone else’s vacation, home, or relationship seems shinier than our own. But comparisons are a fast track to dissatisfaction.
Even if you don’t consciously say, “I wish I had that,” the constant exposure to curated highlight reels makes it easy to feel like you’re falling behind. The antidote? Gratitude.
Start your day not with a scroll, but with a list. Write down three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. A hot cup of coffee. A favorite song. Your pet snoring next to you. Gratitude helps re-center your attention on what’s real and good in your life.
4. Stop Saying “I Should Be…”
“I should be further along.”
“I should feel happier.”
“I should have figured it out by now.”
Sound familiar?
These “should” statements are subtle, but they carry a heavy weight. They often reflect outside expectations rather than your own truth. And worse, they take you out of the present and into a mindset of inadequacy.
Next time you catch a “should,” pause and ask yourself: Whose voice is this? Is it kind? Is it helpful? Then, gently reframe. Instead of “I should be more productive,” try “I’m doing the best I can today.” That shift alone can create space for joy.
Happiness Grows When You Let Go
Letting go of habits that hurt your happiness isn’t about becoming a perfect person. It’s about noticing what thoughts and patterns weigh you down and choosing, little by little, to release them.
You don’t have to do it all at once. Just pick one place to begin. Be gentle with yourself. And remember: happiness isn’t about always feeling good. It’s about being kind to yourself, showing up fully, and making room for joy, even in imperfect moments.
Want more weekly encouragement like this? Subscribe to our newsletter and share this post with someone who could use a little happiness today.
Happiness Posts is published by Darin M. Klemchuk founder of Klemchuk PLLC, an intellectual property law firm located in Dallas, Texas and co-founder of Engage Workspace for Lawyers, a coworking space for lawyers. He also publishes the Ideate (law) and Elevate (law firm culture) blogs. You can find more information about his law practice at his firm bio and also at his BioSite.
